Read this article first.
Now, as you’ve been able to vote for my desk at work for 4 years now (my desk at home even 5 years), all I ask for is one shot back. How do you rate your office or desk at work ? Is it satisfactory ? Is it a mess ? Safety hazard ? Won’t let your mommy see it ?
So, I’m checking my bank account. See what’s been added and deducted (usually tiny bit added and a lot deducted). Then my eye falls on a strange addition. 2,50 euros from a Desk Services B.V. with the description “croky refund”. Well, people who know me, know I prefer one brand. People who know my very well, even know which taste I’d kill a random family member for. Also, I don’t remember writing any complaint letters to anyone lately.
So, how come ? I really want to know, not so much that I can set this thing straight, but more so on how to exploit this. Free money is always good, y’know.
As I stepped in the car, I heard it on the radio. As we drove off, I saw it all around me. As we took the highway to work, an evil grin appears on my face. Traffic jam.Totalling to some 800 kilometres, second highest record of all times, in this little country. Going 120 km/h on the A16. It’s all clear. Almost a speed record to my work. Yeah, traffic jam can sometimes be fun.
Another week, another round. Let’s dig into my log files and see what funny things come up:
“Melissa Etheridge”, “Breathe”, “download” on Google.com – rank 119, talk about overstating a search phrase. 2 comma’s and 4 quotes too many.
anouk download code lion on Google.nl – rank 6, hey I didn’t even know they were having this special offer. Probably means I ate those five for nothing !
is the handler tv show cancelled on Yahoo Search – rank 19
Handler tv show ending? on Yahoo Search – rank 12, this hit was from the same IP number as the previous hit. Talk about spoilers !
eighties season cancelled police tv shows on Google.ca – rank 5
google.ca “free antivirus” on MSN Search – rank 8, 9 AND 10 ! Why in heaven’s name would you put a search engine as a keyword in another search engine ?
spiderman 2 subtitle on Google.pl – rank 57, Poland must be very advanced, as I didn’t know Spiderman 2 was finished already.
haircut paris hilton on Google.ca – rank 8, did you know of all things, the haircut is the least I’m interested in when the name Paris Hilton comes to mind ? Unless they mean some other kind of haircut…
Download Paris Color Sex Video on Google.com – rank 40, probably worried he might waste bandwith on a black and white sex video.
I think I’ll be off to the British mainland. The MI5 Intelligence Service is recruiting some 1000 new agents. With a starting salary of 20.100 pounds a year, it’s hard to say no. The press release also stated that currently, there are only 4% blacks and asians in service. This, of course, is a direct call to me. The 60 days evaluation and training will be no garantuee for a job though. If only I could hide my trails back to the Chinese mob, I’d be more sure those 60 days won’t be wasted on silly technicalities.
As I walked by, I knew something was off. I had to walk by a few times again before I knew what it was. Charlie Chui’s is no more. As the only Chinese fast food toko downtown (Lijnbaan, Rotterdam), it served food so bad, nobody has gone there twice. Ever. So this was to be expected, but for the Chinese mob, it was a good money laundring facility.
Here, at work, everything seems slow. Not much to do. Over there, on IRC it seems slow. Not much to do.
So, what about a challenge to kill some time, and to let the brainjuices flow. First one to answer this correctly deserves a hummmmm *hug* !
Why are dead people buried at six feet exactly ? (Hence the term Six Feet Under)
Ah, it’s that time again. Heavily commercial, but undeniably sweet. Can’t help but love it, Valentine’s Day. But.. there’s one problem. I’m single.
So this is an open letter for all human beings carrying the XY chromosome, being single, aged somewhere between 21 and 26, not taller than me, but not too small either, with sizes somewhere around 34-26-36 (I actually don’t have a clue what that means, but I’m putting it there just to be sure), and in possession a certificate of being catagorized as a “chick” by a certified professional modeling bureau. For those who meet the description, for Pete’s sake, MAIL ME !!
This ad is going around in the newspapers these days:
Well, all I could do was roll on the floor laughing my ass off (and that, only because of one word: immediate. So follow-up questions are not possible). What would you expect if you’d send an SMS with just your gender and age ? I guess the responding SMS would be something like “We were just measuring the gullibility of the Dutch population. YOU DUMBASS, HOW CAN WE DECIDE IF YOU GET ENOUGH VITAMINS IN YOUR SYSTEM WITH JUST THESE TWO LOUSY PIECES OF INFORMATION !!! Oh and THANK YOU FOR SENDING THE SMS, WE REALLY LIKE ALL THE MONEY WE’VE EARNED ON YOU”.
Of course, they get more info, sometimes your phone number, but that could be useless, as a prepaid would be virtually untraceable. With subscriptions, you can trace the owner, and using a linked database, like the one of the Airmiles, you could get some extra info. Then again, linking databases like that is still illegal. So, you have a better (valid) explanation, that doesn’t always answer YES YOU NEED EXTRA VITAMINS ?
As you can read in my previous post, I was kinda pissed at my favorite public transport company here. But I just saw it on the electric announce boards, the planned cutbacks on the earlier and later rounds are off the table, or delayed. Maybe they did some more digging on my name and discovered my ties with the chinese mob and got scared.
We already use the term stiff upperlips for the British island wandering human beings, but I’d like to add another term. Boring nutcrackers. Why ?
The London Film Critics’ Circle Award. With over a hundred critics for TV, newspapers etc. voting, most awards went to mind-numbing Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World and none to LotR: The Return of the King. If you consider that watching a glacier melt is more exciting, you can understand my frustration.
Ah well, hopefully the Oscar jury will set things right.
Do you, by accident uhmm, have $50 billion on ya ? If you have, you might just have enough to buy Walt Disney Co. This includes the numerous film studios, the themeparks, all the rights to the cartoons and movies and the characters, the ABC TV network, sports network ESPN.
This is the current bid coming from cable operator ComCast Corp. but somehow people expect the bid will be overthrown by one or more rivals. Who’s up for $55 billion ?
Update 13-02-2004: Currently Disney is valued at roughly $59 billion. Better dig a bit deeper in your pocket if you still want it.
As you may or not may know, XS4ALL now includes free antivirus and spam filter. A lot less mail to go through (ranging from 50 to 200 a day). Spam filter technology is like antivirus technology, always playing catch up. So a few will slip through now and then. Here’s the most interesting one of today:
From: “Klossie”
Subject: SH00T Out Amazing Amounts Of Sp.erm!
Treating it like a real ad, I can only ask myself, WHY WHY WHY ? What’s the point of shooting …. well, y’know ?
Okay, just found my keychain, with of course the keys to my house here (at work), laying besides that thing I did last, yesterday late.
Of course, I was in my house in no time, as I distribute duplicate keys to my chinese mob minions.
What about you ? If you lost your keys, what would have to happen ? Break in the door ? Break in the glass ? (Come to think of it, this question applies to singles only, others will probably call their partners)
Search engines are, though certainly helpful, far from perfect. With these past 2 years marking the blog-era, search engines take everything from one page, and parse it through to their databases, not taking into account every day, every blog entry, is totally unrelated (well, mine is, and most of what I read are). So, let’s dig through my web access logfiles and find some unintentional search hits, thanks to Google, Inktomi, MSN and the likes.
Office + 97 + Systeemfout in Google.nl – rank 8
kristin kreuk and grace park in Google.ca – rank 16
“10-8 Officers on Duty” ratings nielsen in Google.com – rank absolute 1, no other returns !!
karen cisco tv series cast in Google.com – rank 6
shut up -black eyed peas sing word in Google.co.il – rank 2: If only that Israelian dude used lyrics instead of sing+word, he would’ve gotten lot more relevant hits.
kurt nilsen album download in Google.nl – rank 1: Sorry dude, I don’t do illegal stuff.
Finding Nemo screensaver in Google.nl – rank 44
sunglasses Diane Lane Underneath the Tuscan Sun in Google.com – rank 2
bad boys II chinese subtitle download in Yahoo search – rank 3
janet jackson superbowl video slow motion High Resolution in Google.com – rank 2: NOW_ you wish you bought a TiVo eh ?
“janet jackson” “high resolution” “super bowl” in Yahoo search – rank 24
paint shop pro 7 cruck download in Google.pl – rank absolute 1: Kinda too funny to be true.
download copy of Dirty Dancing Havana Nights in Yahoo search – rank 15: Too early dude.
And here some intentional hits:
paris + hilton + video in Google.nl – rank 91: Hahahah, this was an evil blog entry I made, that, as you can see, worked quite well.
paris hilton sex video in Google.nl – rank 36: How evil am I ?
paris hilton video download italian mpeg -xxx in Google.com rank 26: Very very evil, it seems.
paris hilton sex video excerpts weblog in Google.com – rank 36: Why an excerpt when you can get the WHOLE video ?
So, do you have anything nerdy or funny to say about your http logfile ?