Review: The New World

The boring world, Terrence Malick must’ve meant. Never in my life have I seen such a boring Pocahontas rendition as this one. Everything pointed to a sweeping love story. What you actually get is Terence thinking wide shots of the woods filled with weird moving Indians, flying birds and the supposedly romantic tumble in the long grass will keep us interested. While most movies use dialogue as glue, here it’s more like bio-waste from a liposuction. With narrative coming from 3 principle characters, it falls between bad poetry and musings from a crazy person. While I have nothing against Colin Farrell, I was actually waiting for a great character play by Christian Bale. Not only is he not named (plus he only gets to play in the last twenty minutes from those two looooong hours, but he made me wonder why he would choose such a simple role, after many critically acclaimed movies).
The only thing less boring was watching the audience between my muscle spams, and laughing when someone would get up and leave. At the end, during a slowdown in the musical queue (one of the most horrible score I’ve heard from James Horner), the whole audience (including me) was getting up. It was either that, or cut that damn finger off that was holding the 1/4 speed button.2.

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