Review: The Chronicles of Narnia – The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

That Pathe Unlimited card I have is a gift AND a curse. Responsible for the last category, iss movies like Narnia. I should’ve known. The trailer had capital letters CHILDREN MOVIE, AVOID AT ALL COST plastered all over it. And even the high IMDB grade didn’t fool me (with Catholic madmen keep voting 10’s). So going to see it for “free” must count for _something_ ? Well, no. Not by a long shot.
Talking about long. How long can you drag out a simplistic story with one, pardon me, QUARTER dimensional characters ? Apparently for about 140 minutes, but it’s during the first 20 where you start to wonder if C.S. Lewis’s original was a novel, or a 4-page comic.
So it’s obvious it’s meant for kids. But then, what about the educational value ? It’s tries to be there, but for a preachy Catholic dude, that Lewis guy is actually teaching kids that good and evil is just there, and to be a hero you don’t have to work your ass off.
Off to the technical merits then. With double the budget of a single LotR chapter, it looks like only a tenth was really used. Obvious green screens, undetailed CGI and sloppy tracking. It’s all too obvious. Speaking of LotR, how about copying a few scenes while you’re at it ?
Then the acting. If you think the first Harry Potter was bad (but at least there was a funny story behind it), this one is pretty much unbearable.
So that leaves just the grade, a few points for some unintended funny parts (Biggest brother going on to lead a massive battle after being 2 days in Narnia, asks a guy he just met, in a dead serious tone “Are you with me ?”, to which the guy replies just as serious “To the death”).3½.

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